The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
