So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
