either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
