Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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