While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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