I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
