I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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