i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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