I can text with my tongue
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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