I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
