these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
