You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
