She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
