This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This baby is an asshole
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
