Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
