so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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