I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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