That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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