he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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