yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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