I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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