I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
