period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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