Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
