Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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