definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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