She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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