yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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