i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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