Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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