We're like a lot better than the average bears
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
