Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
