how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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