last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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