Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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