I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
