Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
