Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
