This dress was meant to end up on your floor
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
