Too much gin, very little bucket
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
