he puts the penis in happiness.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
