how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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