i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
