I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
