i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
