My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
