we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
