Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
