i wish there were pregnant emoticons
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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