Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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