he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
