Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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